A Grown Up!

Life has been upside down these days. Pretty Strange it used to be with all those chills and thrills happening everyday that I myself couldn’t absorb the one thing that has just happened and another one was on its way. Still I used to find enough time to pen down the thoughts so excitedly with the adrenaline those events used to give. Although the course of action is still the same but the way of thinking and the source of that adrenaline has definitely changed.

Nowadays the thoughts have begin to take this unusual path which I think everyone embark upon just the once in their course of life and never look back. We have been walking down the same path ever since we gained consciousness and this is the moment when you think just for your sake, “ That’s enough I guess. I’m tired. Let me take a diversion here.”

Some might call it could be a turning point or the point they have looking up to their whole life just to find a different spark. That is the point where you’re more concerned about the little things happening in your life, which believe me you, actually matters.

A Point where you’re more focused on discussions over opening a PPF account rather, than which pub you should hit next weekend. A Point when an early morning walk after a shitty day at work makes more sense than sleeping the day off.

That’s the point when the famous “Chandler Bing” quote,” I’m 29 damn it! I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and go to sleep on reasonable hours” seems legit.

A Point where a Bangalorean eating a spice less Biryani would say, “ Ahh. What the hell, what different does it makes. Let’s eat.” A Point when you look for a possible compatibility in your date rather than a hookup.

Priorities have began to change, groups are becoming smaller, hangout spots have moved and certain values have started to make more sense. It seems a little strange but it feels right. Although I have seen it coming, it’s just that I have not prepared myself well enough in advance.

This is the point when you realize that you need to stop searching for the one that gives you a moral value and appreciates you, because just as others while running the race you have stopped appreciating yourself. That’s the moment when you start to value yourself and prioritize your own goals.

When you distinguish yourself from others and decide the kind of person you want to be, comes a smile on face and you find yourself asking a question, have I grown up? The thin line between this question and the mystical response you get holds the answers to the person you will be, is the moment you realize that there’s a huge difference in being “an adult” and being “a grown up”.

Dark Passenger - Coincidence

The first situation was quite weird enough to pass it through my head and I could release it to the small prison of good memories somewhere deep as it has been just an instance that everyone gets once in a while, but the same thing happening again had me thinking over my head and I could feel something coming. It’s not a coincidence when the most unusual and impossible thing happens to you again and that too in the exact same way as the first one. 

The relevance was quite remarkable and had me skip a beat at the very moment. It’s not the first time I had question my own faith and destiny and put myself under a microscope and dissect the situation and try to analyze the meaning the universe is trying to implode upon myself.  I don’t know if I handled the situation quite normally. Obviously., what else was expected of me, right.!! 

And here I am, searching for my passenger again to guide me through the path that situation has put me into now. The situation is a little messed up this time, as this is not me who feels it, but my passenger is the one who feels vulnerable this time and I could sense him being exposed to the world of creation, which is playing with a handful of feelings. #DarkPassenger

Dark Passenger - A Turn Of Event

A worldly angel passes and pointed towards a path that I need to follow with her. Smiles and directs me to the way opposite to what I had been following until now. Shocking, Isn’t it. It’s obvious I gotta believe her, I mean she is an angel sent from heavenly clouds which are bound to guide you towards the right direction. I stood there with an urge inside to do something. To get up and just spread my arms around. Felt like “to get up, and unlock that bloody door”. The moment I raised my hands, it felt like my hands had begun to shrink and the power, which is acting upon me, is nothing like I have felt before. There was a strong force, which stops me in believing and forces me to keep going. It’s my Passenger who does not want me to quit what we had started together long time ago.

It’s the first time I have doubted my passenger for what he has put me in a pickle of a choice I need to make between the heavenly way and the passenger’s path who has been there with me though some tough times. There I was about to dismantle with my passenger and replenish my new path when I turned around to see her gone. And that was it. Stood there dispirited more than with grief to have lost the opportunity to strive in a different direction for a change. Don’t know who can impart the strength to recover from such earthly angels. All I have gained is percipience to continue forward, with my passenger along side with me as always. #Dark Passenger          

    

-Parminder Arneja

The realization of the importance of my “Dark Passenger” (Part III)

A new city, a new life, with a same cold hearted body. A very complicated chapter is about to start, and I am still waiting to get my hands on the book. Everything is blurred now, it’s like am reading without my glasses. Several questions are there, am I able to read through this new chapter in my life? Am I reading the right way? Will I be able to get through? What if I couldn’t? What if am stuck in between? I have lost the count of days and more importantly I think I have lost the intensity to do that.

Now I really need someone to answer my questions once and for all. Someone? Who might be that? Am I right? Is that the Dark Passenger am searching for again? As per my past, passenger was always the one to get me past through times like these. It’s been a while though. May be that’s the issue.

Nowadays, I stand in front of the mirror, and I feel like something is missing, the energy? May be my soul? I have to opt to start interacting with myself more often, else a part of myself which I may have left somewhere through my journey will start to fade away, and it’ll be very difficult to recover from that kind of loss.

Is it really that hard? Am I the only one? It’s pretty obvious that I am getting these answers all by myself. Got to re invoke the energy by getting back the dark passenger. As now I could realize that it’s always been him that could get me back on my feet and get my butt at the place where it belongs. The things which at some point in the past could have meant the world now seems pointless. Still I try to find that joy in little things even if it lasts for couple of days or so and then search of a new one. 

Sometimes I think that the things I have done in the past, the sins I have taken upon myself, would I be able to recover from that ever. Realization is the only thing I have right now, and it’s better it came late rather than never. So, Now I just gotta try and fix what was wrong. It’s like you gotta do what u gotta do. And that only can be done with the help of my passenger.  

"Unnamed"

inspiration - Into the wild (movie)




lyf's ol abt "wat u need".,"wat u want".,"wat u do"., nd  "wat u achieve".....



u wonder n wonder,
all around on a wheel less cart,
just like a lonely shadow,
in a city of no heart..

u need an escape,
an escape to peace,
escape from your murder,
everyday, pointless at an ease..

escape from d yelling,
escape to find life,
escape to find yourself,
deep deep inside..

extinct from d world,
to live in a parallel one,
created in aggression,
to see whats your worth..

just to be somewhere,
that comforts n makes u alive,
the destination, d goal,
miracle of life..

to b at your own,
gave up everything u have,had,,
lost around somewhere,
forgetting what could happen next..

came around some unnamed relations,
that values beyond a price,
even more than your named ones,
that felts like your bare hands on ice..

now, reaches the state of place,
that gains yourself some pride,
but soon that happiness turns worthless,,
once found there's no one to share that prize...


"Happiness is only real when shared"